The Kitten Threat

Political Satire by Richard Asmus

President Barak Obama has declared this little girl and her kitten to be a threat to the economic security of the United States of America. She’s not wearing name-brand or designer clothing, and her kitten is clearly a pirated version of the copyrighted Garfield, making her guilty of international crime. Further, because the Supreme Court has defined transnational corporations as “people,” she is in violation of their human rights by standing in the way of the “pursuit of happiness” that immense profits would bring.

Transnational executives warn that if such behavior continues, it could cause an economic crisis so severe that some billionaires would not be able to make the monthly payments on the jetliners they keep on standby around the world to evacuate them to avoid prosecution.

Transnational executives hope that recent negotiations with Cuba will allow Guantanamo Bay to expand and become an indoctrination center to ensure all Latin Americans understand their sole purpose in life is to provide said corporations with gargantuan profits. Proper indoctrination could prevent further need for sanctions such as those imposed against Venezuela for not groveling to stated desires. The little girl, her kitten and the rest of her family could be the first to be indoctrinated.


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